___________________________________________________
Cigarette:
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
____________________________________________________
Love affairs:
Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.
____________________________________________________
Marriage:
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
____________________________________________________
Divorce:
Future tense of marriage
____________________________________________________
Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
____________________________________________________
Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
____________________________________________________
Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
____________________________________________________
Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine waterpower.. .
____________________________________________________
Dictionary:
A place where divorce comes before marriage.
____________________________________________________
Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
____________________________________________________
Ecstasy:
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
____________________________________________________
Classic:
A book which people praise, but do not read.
____________________________________________________
Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
____________________________________________________
Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
____________________________________________________
Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
____________________________________________________
Etc:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
____________________________________________________
Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
____________________________________________________
Experience:
The name men give to their mistakes.
____________________________________________________
Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.
____________________________________________________
Philosopher:
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
____________________________________________________
Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
____________________________________________________
Opportunist:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
____________________________________________________
Optimist:
A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet.
____________________________________________________
Pessimist:
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY
____________________________________________________
Miser:
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
____________________________________________________
Father:
A banker provided by nature.
____________________________________________________
Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
____________________________________________________
Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
____________________________________________________
Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
____________________________________________________
Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
____________________________________________________
the 7th of August this year, the time and date will be again??!!!!
On August 7 , 2009
At 12hr 34 minutes and 56 seconds on
12:34:56 07/08/09
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
This will never happen in your life
When Your Computer Really Has You Frustrated.. .
When Your Airport Uses Microsoft Products...
The Long History of Man's Evolution...
Add a Refrigerator, and You'llNever Have to Leave Your Desk!Almost everybody is on the Web...
An AOL Customer Support Representative. ..
A Whole New Reason to Stop Spam...
How to Tell You're Short on Time...
...Miss U.A.E...
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Fold two hands together, And express a dash of sorrow. Marinate it overnight, And work on it tomorrow. Chop one grudge in tiny pieces, Add several cups of love. Dredge with a large sized smile, Mix with the ingredients above. Dissolve the hate within you, By doing a good deed. Cut in and help your friend, If he/she should be in need. Stir in laughter, love and kindness, From the heart it has to come. Toss with genuine forgiveness, And give your friends some. The amount of people served, Will depend on you. It can serve the whole wide world. If you really want it to!!
Before marriage....
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!
After marriage....
Simply read from bottom to top. Enjoy !!!!!!
When most people think of love poems , they think of serious and soulful expressions of passion. Long sonnets by Shakespeare or romantic poems by Browning and Lord Byron are the norm for love poetry. However, funny love poems can be good for a laugh. They may not be romantic, but they do give your friends something to enjoy.
Some of the best funny love poems are limericks. Limericks started in Ireland and follow a standard form of five lines and a rhyme scheme of aabba. Here are a few limericks written by anonymous authors:
There once was an old man of Lyme
Who married three wives at a time
When asked "Why a third?"
He replied, "One's absurd!
And bigamy, Sir, is a crime."
There was a young fellow named Hammer
Whose had an unfortunate stammer
"The b-bane of my life"
Said he, "Is m-m-my wife
D-d-d-d-d-d-damn ‘er!"
She made friends with a young undertaker;
Her last boyfriend had forsaken her.
But she started to curse
When he turned up in a hearse.
She said next time I'll date a baker!
There was a young lady named Constance,
From boys she wouldn't stand any nonsense.
If her partners grew deft
She would lead with her left;
The results would not weigh on her conscience.
My sweetheart and I are just wed.
Already I wish I were dead.
Two weeks she's been spending.
It was time never ending.
We are thousands of pounds in the red!
Limericks are fairly easy to write if you can rhyme well, so you might try writing a limerick yourself that includes the name of your friend or loved one. This is a good way to make a funny love poem that is personalized.
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